Eating Disorders- Speak Those Bad Feelings & Gain Control

Get Out of Your Head & Into Your Heart

By Kathleen Fuller, Ph.D.

A recent story illustrates the concept of getting out of your head and into your heart, which is vitally important to help prevent destructive behaviors such as eating disorders. A fourth-grade teacher shared with me the following story: The coach came to the teacher and said,” I can’t get one of your girls to come in, would you go get her? The teacher was on her lunch period and sent another girl. This didn't work, so the teacher called to her in a commanding voice and the girl came directly. Now this teacher is a very unusual teacher; she, like most teachers, is caring and yet she also has a deep wisdom about the importance of expressing feelings.

As reference in Dana.org latest brain research an article by Alexis Madrigal says naming feelings takes some of the emotional impact out of them by engaging a brain region that aids self control, according to this new research.

Experiments, at the University of California Los Angeles, site that Matthew Lieberman found verbally saying person looks angry while looking at a photograph reduces the negative emotional feeling that the viewer would feel.

Let’s go back to the teacher who began talking to the little girl of eight years. The little girl passionately yelled, “I hate this school. I wish I was dead!”
Shocked at the intensity of this little eight-year-old, the teacher said,” You sound very angry. Do you really hate me because I'm part of the school?”

The teacher found by talking further that this little eight year old was so frustrated she didn't know what to do. Her little mind went to hate and suicide. Frustration is indeed an intense hostility. Let’s follow how that frustration is birthed.

Frustration can start as an irritation that grows into anger, then hurt, and finally into the hostile feeling of frustration. This little girl came from a poor family with many addictions and had no way of learning or permission to express her feelings. Because this experienced teacher understood this girl’s background, she taught her to stomp her feet when she's angry and to come and talk to her in private as soon as she could.

Let's suppose that this young eight year old girl does not get any help with expressing her feelings. She may go through the next few grades with inappropriate anger expression. Furthermore anger expression is viewed by most teachers as disruptive and she could be labeled as Bi Polar. Clinically she could develop further features of a personality disorder and even turn to drugs or alcohol or develop an eating disorder because no one was able to talk or teach her at an earlier age. Just as good habits are formed bad habits are formed that then dictate our behaviors.

As referenced in my clinically researched book Not Your Mother's Diet The Cure For Your Eating Issues most little girls are taught it isn’t nice to express or feel anger. Most little girls learn to swallow it. Yet the hostility can flash deep inside for a moment before it’s swallowed. Even the hurt and betrayal you may feel in your work day world may also be swallowed so fast that that anger is nearly forgotten. And almost without a thought, the swallowed anger seems to magically go away.

Yet the result of swallowing anger (or any other strong emotion for that matter) is that eventually it comes out sideways in unconscious, uncontrolled behavior. The primal feelings of anger and betrayal that are swallowed become scattered through the subconscious, resulting in confusion. What happens to a little girl who grows up and thinks it’s paramount for her to focus on the feminine diversion of diet worries or the hunt for the perfect body? This confusion first born of denied anger becomes in many women or men a personal dieting cycle, because anger first has been denied over time and then stuffed down with food.

As a clinical mental health therapist I teach my patients of all ages and genders how to recognize and name their feelings. This is one of the first simple coping skills. The most basic feelings are irritated, angry, hurt, betrayed, frustrated, scared, sad, lonely and depressed. You could try this technique, it works to help you be more aware of your feelings. At the end of each day have a little note book by your bed, and write down all the feelings you had during the day. That's it, it's so simple. See if you feel better or if you feel worse because of so many negative feelings. This is a clue for you to reach out and ask for help from a professional.
The Wisdom of Honoring Your Emotions (Feelings) is taken from my book Not Your Mother's Diet-The Cure For Your Eating Issues available on Amazon.

The following is a brief quote:

Emotions are often misunderstood. They are seen as negative outbursts that are best repressed. But strong emotions can be a way for your intuitive self to get your attention when you’re in the midst of a situation.
Your intuitive self uses emotions to flag a situation and bring it to your attention, so that you can take a deeper look at the truth.
Not Your Mother's Diet Dr. Fuller, a leading eating disorder expert reports on little-known tips too many tragically ignore in her breakthrough book
Not Your Mother’s Diet
BUY HERE Buy Not Your Mother's Diet from Amazon.com